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Post by LoC_Mexican on Apr 29, 2007 11:12:27 GMT -5
One of the best show intros of all time.
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Post by Fx71 on May 4, 2007 13:16:23 GMT -5
My first sexual experience that actually involved nudity. While we're fondling each other, she asks me if I like Diet Coke.
Me: It's allright. Girl: Well, I LOVE it. How 'bout you go get me a bottle of it?
I go downstairs and grab a 20 ounce bottle from the fridge. When I return, she says it's too cold.
Girl: How 'bout warming it up...by rubbing it on my tits?
So I began to rub her vigorously with the bottle. Soon enough, she asks me to shove it inside of her. She really enjoys it, and so do I because I KNOW that, with this girl, I'm definantly going to get off. That's when it gets crazy.
She rips out the bottle, opens it, and begins filling her VAGINA with Diet Coke. I swear, she nearly empties the volume into her VAGINA. I had seriously underestimated this VAGINA's liquid retention volume.
Girl: YOU LIKE DIET COKE?!?!?!? OH YEAH OH YEAH DRINK IT FROM ME!
I was noticebly freaked me, but I did want to get off, and I didn't want my first load-blow to be into 18.7 fluid ounces of a 0-calorie beverage. I began to go down on her, until she said the exact wrong thing.
Girl: OH YEAH, DRINK IT FROM ME! I'M THE KOOL-AID MAN! OH YEAH! OH YEAH!
I don't know how she did it with 16-year-old voice, but she sounded exactly like the Kool-Aid man from the commercials. I glanced at the wall, half-expecting him to burst through and over me a fruity beverage. I was extremely turned-off. She could tell, too. As she sat up to see what was wrong, she twisted her body in such a way that Diet Coke shot out of her VAGINA and all over my face, chest, and groin. And it was at that sticky, low-calorie moment that my parents chose to pull into the driveway.
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Post by Fx71 on May 5, 2007 12:54:17 GMT -5
So the other day I was in class and I couldn't stop staring at this one chick's mouth. She's a really got chick who always wears a tank top and a small choker, and I've always got the big urge to shoot a load right between her little lips.
I start playing pocket pool. My leg istwitching. My knee is bouncing. I see from behind that she's crossingher legs and tapping her fingers.
Then she notices something.
Thenshe turns around - as if she could FEEL my eyes digging into that softskin of hers - dives under my table, and she bellows, "VENOM KILLSHARRY - VENOM KILLS SANDMAN - MARY JANE DIES."
Then I shoot a load right into her mouth, and she nods sagely as she solemnly intones, "IT IS DONE."
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Post by LoC_Mexican on May 8, 2007 14:12:21 GMT -5
I could see the other ones happen for real, but that last one was just beyond retarded. lol
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Post by Fx71 on May 8, 2007 15:51:34 GMT -5
I'm getting sick of seeing this FILTH on the internet. I guess most of you liberals don't think this was a big deal - but pornography is DANGEROUS. I'm petrified by the fact that my son may find this site someday. I may never let him on the computer honestly.
Haven't you ever wondered why so many kids are molested everyday? Why?! Because of how corrupted our society is over sex. In nature we crave more and more of something..so a guy that keeps fueling his sexual desires ends up making himself into this disgusting, sex craving, perve who preys on children because they are "the easiest prey".
I remember a special program that visited my school. In it showed a couple of testimonies from convicted rapists and child molesters in prisons. They all said that their addictions started somewhere - with pornography and admitted that their crimes would have been less likely to take place if they didn't start their addiction with porn. They kept fueling their sexual desires. Any human is programmed to where they want more and more of something. You have one potato chip you want 2..the cycle goes on. It's the same with porn. Do you really think guys who look at little kids just wake up one day and say "hey I want to look at underage porn!!" no. It starts somewhere. Think about it, guys.
This is not just a biblical issue! It's a common sense one!
You people need to do something about your addiction to explicit material. I'm not scared to say that PORN IS WRONG. I know too many people that are too scared to talk about issues like this - STOP BEING PANSIES AND LOG OFF! REAL MEN DON'T DO PORN!!!
And by the way - girls/guys do not have to be completely naked for it to be wrong to look at. If you go crazy seeing a girl in a swimsuit or a guy in trunks stop looking at them you crazy horndog. Have some respect and integrity!!
God bless,
Robin
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Post by Fx71 on May 8, 2007 15:53:17 GMT -5
one kid i'll never forget is dan.
when i was sixteen, i was a whackjob so they put me in a young adult program. basically for crazy kids.
one of the guys there was named dan. i never really found out what was wrong with him- i figured he had schizophrenia or MPD, maybe even OCD. anyways, this kid loved to smell. i'm not talking about a little whiff here and there, he was smelling CONSTANTLY. he had a good sense of smell, too.
he'd say things like "i've smelled the dinosaurs before." "have you ever smelled the past?" and he'd be totally serious.
one time, he asked a nurse what time it was. she was a real bitch, and she just said "well what time do you THINK it is, DAN."
and he took a big whiff and was like "SMELLS LIKE 4:10." i'll remember that moment for the rest of my life.
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Post by Fx71 on May 8, 2007 15:54:00 GMT -5
Me and my three friends (All in our late 20's) have formed a team to help out our neighborhood. I wear a Jar Jar Binks costume and am the leader. Then there is the guy who wears the Grimace costume, he is the strong man. Then there is the guy who is a convicted sex offender, he wears a trenchcoat like the matrix. And lastly, their is "The Professional", he wears a cardboard Burgerking crown and a fake muscle suit. We walk around town and knock on random doors. When the person answers, I dance and do a Jar Jar quote, then make a loud screech with an air horn. While the person is reeling from the sound, the sex offender confesses that he is a sex offender (as required by his parole). Then the grimace throws some leaves and dirt into the persons house. And lastly, Muscle King plays 'me so horny' on his boombox and we dance. We have done this to hundreds of houses. Are we some kind of kings? I don't know how?
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Post by Fx71 on May 8, 2007 15:55:11 GMT -5
Hey /b/, I have a very serious problem. I'm fucking crying because of how stupid I am.
Okay, so my girlfriend was supposed to come over to my house today because I was going to go take her to a movie. She lives about 20 minutes away, and the movie we were supposed to see started at 4:15, which was in about 40 minutes. I figured "cool, I'll just play Pokemon while I wait".
So I'm playing Pokemon, and having a pretty damn good time. Anyway, she finally does show up, except she's crying as she walks into my room. Instead of doing the right thing by comforting her, I half-focus on my game and her. She starts telling me her cat died, and just as she was getting into it, I get into a random encounter in my game.
A shiny pidgey. Holy shit. (For those of you who don't know/care, shiny pokemon have less than a 1/1000 chance of appearing). I stare into my screen in amazement, yelling "holy shit, YES", interrupting her mid-story. She sobs more, and she starts to yell "You don't even fucking care! YOU JUST WANT TO PLAY YOUR FUCKING GAME!" I'm still looking at my screen, still focusing on catching my shiny pidgey, when she walks over, and tosses the game against the wall. I run over and pick up my DS hoping that nothing has changed on screen, and quickly noticed that she broke it. My system and my shiny pidgey, gone forever.
I start screaming every obsenity I know, and started flailing my arms around. I didn't know she was behind me, and appearantly I backhanded her in the face while I was being a dumbass and swinging my fists around. She yells out "FUCK YOU", and runs out of my house in tears.
What have I done? I've fucked up so badly, and I need to know how to approach her. I don't want a game of Pokemon to be respoinsible for ruining my best relationship ever. Help me /b/.
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Post by Fx71 on May 8, 2007 15:56:13 GMT -5
You know, I think that people give Jesus too much credit. I mean, he's powerful, there's no doubting that, but people treat him as if he could destroy us all with a wave of his hand.
Now, so far, what have we seen Jesus do? Heal. He's obviously a very competent healer, as is evident form his ability to raise himself from the dead and save the entire world from hell. But what of Jesus's attack capabilities? Now, when it comes to this people prefer to use the bullshit excuse of him being a "pacifist", and why? Because they don't want to admit that Jesus can't fight. He's nothing but a healer, he couldn't even take down Yakra if he took two years to level up.
So stop worshipping Jesus like he's a God or something, you stupid fanboys. He's not so special, and I can think of a hundred deities off the top of my head that could kick his ass in a fight no problem.
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Post by Fx71 on May 8, 2007 15:57:26 GMT -5
I just spent the last twenty minutes rubbing a twelve year old girl's bare chest.
"How?" you ask. Well apparently there are a select few contexts within which such an action is acceptable. For instance, if your niece has a hacking cough and your sister asks you to "put some of this on her" while she calls the doctor.
"Putting some of this on hear" meant using my bare hands to rub this vapor ointment shit all over her BARE NAKED CHEST. My heartbeat is still all erratic from it. I had a boner the size of manhattan the entire time. She's sleeping now and I guess she feels better because she stopped coughing.
Details: She's about 5 feet tall, has long brown hair, a cute face, a thin waist and long skinny legs. She's in jammies I think because although I'm pretty shaken up right now I know I unbuttoned something before I went at it.
God I feel so great. I just rubbed my hands all over her FUCKING TITS, you guys. Well the puffy parts of her chest anyway. Her nipples got hard. I just about wept tears of joy.
I didn't do anything else because I'm a coward and rubbing was enough. Plus it was legal and I didn't technically do anything wrong, so I'm in the clear.
I'd write more but I seriously have to go fap while the memory is fresh in my head.
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Post by Fx71 on May 8, 2007 16:00:17 GMT -5
I froze.
I felt a sudden rush of excitement. Kayla’s gown had fallen back as her leg came up, exposing her limb all the way up to her panties. I knew in that moment that the rest of my life was going to be agony, that no other woman on Earth could fill my heart like my own, dear neighbor. I didn’t try to hide my emotions as I slowly ran my gaze up and down her leg. I held her foot and caressed her calf, then took the anklet from her hand. Kayla seemed a little surprised at my actions, but I was lost. I was consumed by desire. I fastened the jewelry around her delicate ankle, then caressed her leg again.
I kissed the top of her foot, stroked her leg, and Kayla did not protest or try to pull away. When I took her big toe in my mouth, she gasped. I held her foot up and licked her sole, making her moan. Our eyes locked, and I could see the wantonness on her face. I licked my way over her foot and up her calf, her shin, to her knee. I was closer then, so I leaned to her face. Kayla’s eyes flickered closed as I pressed my lips to hers. She had such soft lips. Her tongue snaked out, and I took it into my mouth.
I put my hand on her breast, and she jumped. She pulled back a little. I expected protest and didn’t want to hear it. I shushed her, covering her mouth with my fingers, then kissing her again.
She let me press her back until she was laying on the floor and I was hovering over her. She reached for my zipper, but I hit her hand immediately. "Why are you doing this?" I yelled. "What do you think you're doing?!" She simply looked me in the eyes and said "I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was. To catch them is my real test, to train them is my cause. I will travel across the land, searching far and wide. Each pokemon to understand the power that's inside. Pokemon! Its you and me. I know its my destiny... Pokemon"
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Post by Fx71 on May 8, 2007 16:01:38 GMT -5
BAM! TO BEHOLD, A PUBLIC BULLETIN BOARD, BUILT OF BOTH BRILLIANCE AND BARBARITY BY BASTARDS WITH BONERS. THIS BASTION, NO MERE BULWARK OF BOREDOM, IS A BRUTAL BARRAGE OF BLISTERING BULLSHIT, BARELY BENEVOLENT... BUT BEHIND THE BIGOTRY AND BOOBS, BEYOND THE BITTER BROADCASTS OF BRAGGING BUFFOONS: HERE BE THE BODY POLITIC. A BROTHERHOOD OF BLASPHEMY, BLESSED WITH MORE BALLS THAN BRAINS, BATTLING THE BLAND, THE BOGUS, THE BENIGN. BEDLAM? BRING IT ON. BUT I BABBLE... BETTER TO BE BRIEF. YOU MAY CALL ME /B/.
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Post by foooooog on May 8, 2007 16:04:27 GMT -5
Bastard, you only saw that yesterday.
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Post by Fx71 on May 8, 2007 16:11:21 GMT -5
Which?
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Post by foooooog on May 8, 2007 16:14:08 GMT -5
The repitition of the letter b.
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